Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
