anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
