i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
