I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
