my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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