So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You are the jesus of drinking
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
