I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
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While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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