So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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