; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
