this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
