i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
