dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
