i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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