Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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