Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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