it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
