I wish I could teleport
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
