so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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