Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.