Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.