okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.