I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.