god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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