before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
