My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're a waste of cheezeits
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
