In the future we'll all be gay
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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