So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize