I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
