Michael Bay diarrhea
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
