You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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