Moan for me like Helen Keller
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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