Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
