I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
