i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
