Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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