God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
