ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
