Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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