So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The air was thick with penises
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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