Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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