And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
