How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
