All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
