I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
