I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Your penis caused this!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
