A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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