I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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