I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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