she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize