Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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