I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
