I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
