sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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