i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
