if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
