It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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