so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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