im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
