just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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