there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
