Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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