my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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