all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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